Afraid to Love
by olitzalltheway
Summary: A one shot about our season 6 finale, #Olitz goodbye.


"This is it, this one is for real, I'm not faking this goodbye" , she hears him tell her. She feels a sadness and anguish rise up in her chest. She wants to get off this couch and kiss him ; try to ask him again to stay.

But why should he? She never stayed for him. And why should he want to? She isn't worthy of love.

She is broken, a shell, damaged. The tears almost fall than, but she lifts her head and forces her eyes to stay dry. But why is her heart betraying her ? It's missing a beat and she feels a heavy pain in her chest.

She tries to tell herself to get up and just kiss him, touch him.

The pull between them is always overwhelming, so why can't she give in?

Years of knowing he was not hers. Years of hiding, denying herself; denying him. And nobody ever loves her enough. Her parents never showed her how to love. She has been alone almost her whole life. If you love someone , they will hurt you. They will expose your weakness.

He is walking away and she threatens to fall apart. She swallows the tears, because you can not show weakness.

You can not admit that you love him. If you love him, you just lost him. Again.

He walks near you and you smell his cologne.

You remember him putting a little on his hands this morning. He rubbed his neck. He had smiled at you when he saw you watching him. He had turned towards you, held you ; kissed you softly, gently, like he would kiss you for years and days to come. Like you had all the time in the world.

But now his scent is leaving, leaving you behind as well. He has left. You are alone.

The darkness overwhelms you. You start shaking, but you don't know it. Distracted by the sound that comes from your throat. It is a cry, a cry for help. A cry that begs for its owner to get of the couch, to do something, anything. Anything is better than this feeling you now have. Life flashes before your eyes. The first time you saw his beautiful eyes staring into yours :

" You are right, i would be lucky to have you".

The first time he told you he loved you. The first time you made love. The first time you danced together. The first time you left him. The first time he left you.

He is out of reach, like he always was and always will be. Never meant to be yours. Never meant for you to keep. You are falling to pieces and can not do this, not again. You find your strength and get up, you walk outside. He is far away. It is now or never.

"Mr President !".

He thinks his mind betrays him. She would never call him in front of the press. She wouldn't follow after him. She would never allow herself to open up too much. A glimpse her and there, is all she ever showed him, of what could had been if she had felt worthy, if he hadn't hurt her so much. If he had loved her better. If he would had been a better man. He turns around anyway, he has to be sure.

There she is, walking towards him. He is frozen to the ground. Afraid to hope. Afraid to love. Afraid that he is hallucinating.

Afraid she will fade away when a breeze stirs the air. And than she hesitantly starts a run, and suddenly he knows this is real. They are real. This has been real all along.

He catches her in his embrace and she softly cries out that she loves him. His heart is racing ; he can't breathe. But than she kisses him and he is kissing her back, feverishly. And she is his oxygen, his lifeline, his everything.

And as always, this is not the right time. Not the right place. They are not alone.

"The camera's", he warns her, knowing how much she hates the intrusion.

"I don't care", she tells him.

And suddenly he is convinced that one day they will find each other again. One day when it won't be the wrong time, the wrong place, the wrong moment.

He knows that one day she will know that she is so much more than she can ever imagine, that she deserves to be loved. That she deserves their love. That yes, this has been real and rare and everlasting all along. Until than , he kisses her 1 more time, deeply. He tries to tell her with his lips that he will always love her , will always be hers. When she tells him it's been an honor, he confesses that the honor had been all his. He is honored to be loved by her.

He will go now, and it hurts, but it is bittersweet. One day, before long, they will be ready at the same time, the same moment, the right time, the right moment.

Until than he will say goodbye.

He leaves. He leaves his heart in her hands. She holds the key. She just needs to use the key and they will be free.

Free to love.

No longer afraid.


End file.
